At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
