You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
