very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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