I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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