am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
