I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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