Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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