IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
