I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
