i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
