I am puke
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
