My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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