im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
