Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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