Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
