so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
