I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
