1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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