I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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