apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
