Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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