Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
bring money and cleavage
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
