the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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