I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
