taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
