Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
