I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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