be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
