I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
