Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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