My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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