dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
