Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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