I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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