dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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