You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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