i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
