dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
