I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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