I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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