I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
be right there i have to get my cape
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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