I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
