i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
