It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
