he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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