That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
