can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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