I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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