Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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