I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
