I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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