So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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