can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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