Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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