From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
