he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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