Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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