so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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