To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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