quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
