then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
