i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
