Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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