Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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