PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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