I love black thongs
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
